The song "Stay" by Florida Georgia Line plays in my head a lot. It’s on my playlist for when I run too. If you read the lyrics you may correlate it to many things. It makes me think about my mom a lot and just my feelings of rejection in general. It starts out saying
“I’d sell my soul just to see your face.
And I’d break my bones just to heal your pain.
In these times I need a saving grace,
But time is running out and I’m starting to lose my faith”
I think about that all the time. If I could have done something, anything, to make her Stay I would have. But in times like this, I do need a saving grace. I am lucky because these last few weeks I’ve come so close to letting go it’s scary and yet I didn’t. Why? I had people like you, who took the time to be kind and show me what the true spirit of human kindness and friendship is. I was open enough to share my struggle, not everyone is. Stigma still looms large in this world. While that’s not the only reason people don’t reach out, it’s a big one. Feeling like everyone would be better off without you is another. So while I know the song says
“But if I told you I loved you, would it make you want to stay?
I’m sorry for the way I hurt you and making you walk away.
(I should have took the time to tell you)
And if I wrote you a love song and sang it to you every day,
Would it ever be enough to make you wanna come back home and stay?
(I can’t go another day without you)”
a love song isn’t going to fix my issues nor anyone else’s, hearing you matter, makes a lot of bad disappear. Simple words like, you make me smile or I like you are all that is needed. Try it sometime. Having someone tell me they like my shoes is a sure fire way to bring a smile to my face lol. We all have our “thing”.
While I ran today I got a message about another life lost to suicide in our community and it broke my heart. This soul couldn’t find a way to Stay. We won’t know why but we can rally around those that knew and loved her. We can give them the support and love needed. They will wonder, just like many of us who’ve lost a loved one to suicide what they could have done. And while I know just like me, they’d sell their soul to see her face again, we can only reflect and remember now. Time will help but it doesn’t completely heal. I know this 9 years later
“And all I want
Is to tell you I love you and make you wanna stay.
There’s gotta be a way, ’cause going on without you is killing me everyday”
Love those you love hard. Let them know everyday. Because if you have to go on without them, it’s true, it kills you a little every day.