One of my long time supporters, Ryan Horns, lost a friend to suicide over last weekend. Brett suffered from a condition called empty nose syndrome. It occurs after aggressive sinus surgery. It leads to constant suffering. In the end, that suffering caused him to give up. Physical pain is just one reason people choose to end their life.
Whenever we hear someone took their life, that’s the first question we ask. Why? Depression, physical illness, bullying, desperation, financial pressures, rejection or a split decision. We never really know unless a note is left and even then we can’t be certain. It will always be a guessing game. Regardless of why, that person choosing to take their life leaves a gaping hole in the lives of those who loved them.
Ryan sent me the link to Brett’s FaceBook. As with any of my angels I like to know about them if I can. Carrying their name is an honor for me but it’s also a way for me to heal and feel like I’m doing something bigger than me. Brett was a exceptional person, I could tell by the photos, stories and memories shared. As is the same story of every one of my angels, they were special. They were and still are loved. As I looked at his page, I couldn’t get past his smile. It literally lit up the frame. How could that smile be gone from this earth? Pain, in any form, robs so much from us all.
Ryan has decided to do something to prevent another beautiful smile from being extinguished. He is looking for ways to help those suffering with the same syndrome Brett did. He’s changing his pain to determination. I think that’s what a lot of us do. I think to some degree it’s healthy and a great coping mechanism. I feel for Ryan, it’s just what he needs.
Suicide leaves the survivors feeling powerless. Doing something, anything in fact, helps to give it meaning out of something so senseless and devastating. I chose running and baring my soul. It’s whatever helps us get from one day to the next at times. It’s what I do to prevent another beautiful smile from leaving us lost, alone and wondering why.