Words hurt too

Anger almost got the best of me this weekend. I’ve always known what people are capable of but I don’t always understand their motives. I also wonder why people even care about my mistakes or anyone else’s for that matter. Then again I have been known to gossip so I guess my being pissed about a certain person and their need to talk about me is kind of hypocritical. However, I know how she is and I’ve never liked her anyway but the person she gossiped to, I did. Them changing their opinion of me based on hearsay from years ago kind of stings. I question a friend who would even care about the sins of my past especially since it didn’t involve murder or any other violent crime. Mistakes are made every day by me and everyone else. Besides, mistakes don’t define a person. Getting pleasure out of hurting people or not looking past mistakes might though.

Everyday I get up and find a reason to be ok with myself. Not because I don’t want to but because it’s not natural for me to be. I’ve known I wasn’t perfect my whole life so news flash, you don’t have to remind me. Besides who the heck is? I realize it’s silly for me to care what hateful people think but that’s human nature. People can say they don’t care but I think many do to varying degrees. Again, my hurt comes from the influence hateful people have on people I do care about. My other concern is that hate being fed throughout the community. Who wants to donate to someone with character flaws as told by this particular town cryer? Even though most people have flaws, it’s an excuse to use to not support what I do. Now, that really upsets me. I get them wanting to destroy me but I can’t fathom why people want to destroy the work I’ve done to help build support for suicide prevention.

I guess it was a wake up call for me. The next time I want to gossip, I’ll think twice. Gossip may seem innocent enough (although, in this case, it was an intentional attack on me) but it can have larger ramifications then you know. It serves no purpose and makes nothing better. Besides, remember this, if someone is so keen on talking about another person to you, what makes you think you’re safe from their crosshairs. Remember misery loves company.

As an aside, if you’re my friend and you have a question, ask. If I think the answer is pertinent to our friendship, I’ll be glad to answer. Otherwise, ask yourself what do you have to hide? Very few people have the right to say nothing.

Much love,

Amanda

By the way, this kind of behavior does drive people to want to end their life. I wonder if she could look at herself in the mirror then? I’m sure she could. Evidently she’s perfect. To those of you who’ve heard gossip and changed your opinion of me or anyone else based on that, well shame on you. You might want to know your facts or even if the facts have anything to do with you to begin with before you rush to judgement. This kind of small thinking can literally kill and has.