If I Died

January 25, 2015

I think too much. It’s just who I am. I create scenarios in my head about conversations I think have happened in regards to me or about things. My mind tends to work on overdrive as the norm. So when I see those FaceBook posts that say they are cleaning their friends list or when I write a blog that’s very blunt, I wonder how people really feel about me. Do they care? Do I matter? What’s the point? Then in true Amanda fashion, I start wondering if I died, how many people would care and would there be any regret from some? Don’t get this wrong, I’m not trying to get pity or false claims of how great I am. I want you to think. I mean really think about people in your life. I am a person who isn’t afraid to let my inner demons out so people can learn from them. Most people don’t so take heed and evaluate your actions.

 

 I can tell you I have nothing left to give and am just too tired to even try most days. If feel like no matter what I do, it’s not enough or it’s really for nothing. I work hard. I feel passionately about patients and doing things with both business and empathy in mind. I run not because I like it but because it has a purpose it serves. I try to think outside the box so I can get people to see their fellow man as someone that deserves kindness regardless of their personal situation. I try to love myself and I try to remember that what other people think about me is none of my business. I try but fail miserably. That’s how I roll. I’m never going to be good enough and then when people I love turn their back on me, I know I’m right.

 

So why bother? Maybe I shouldn’t. You tell me. If I died, would you have regret? Would you think about the last opportunity you had to talk to me and regret a lost opportunity or would you feel peace? Would you think about choices you made or things you said about me and feel bad?  Would you attend my funeral, maybe shed a tear but take nothing away from the experience or would you vow to change your attitude? Would you honor my memory by doing more? Would you change anything? Would you even care? Or would you justify your behavior by blaming me? Maybe everything I’ve tried to do for nothing?

 

Think about it. Think about people you know. Is there opportunity for you to change your attitude? Now what are you going to do about it?

 

Much love,

 

Amanda

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