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February 21, 2015

One of my long time supporters, Ryan Horns, lost a friend to suicide over last weekend. Brett suffered from a condition called empty nose syndrome. It occurs after aggressive sinus surgery. It leads to constant suffering. In the end, that suffering caused him to give up. Physical pain is just one reason people choose to end their life.


Whenever we hear someone took their life, that’s the first question we ask. Why? Depression, physical illness, bullying, desperation, financial pressures, rejection or a split decision. We never really know unles...

February 15, 2015

I have been having nightmares about losing people. I have begun to believe maybe it’s a me thing. Today during my run, I felt especially sad and lost. I’m tired of feeling like I’m almost good enough only to be reminded I’m not. In fact, I was starting to panic as the bitch in my head took hold today. I was so scared about what she had to say, I reached out to a few people just to keep me safe from myself. It helped but I’m struggling. So instead of a long drawn out blog where I try to use my struggles to teach a lesson, I’m going to shamelessl...

February 8, 2015


Anger almost got the best of me this weekend. I’ve always known what people are capable of but I don’t always understand their motives. I also wonder why people even care about my mistakes or anyone else’s for that matter. Then again I have been known to gossip so I guess my being pissed about a certain person and their need to talk about me is kind of hypocritical. However, I know how she is and I’ve never liked her anyway but the person she gossiped to, I did. Them changing their opinion of me based on hearsay from years ago kind of stings....

February 1, 2015


I love snow but hate to drive in it. I really hate to run in it so I ran my ten yesterday. It was nice out when I did so I took a different path than I typically do. I ran past Billie’s house; she is 4.5 miles from me. That’s pretty scary I know. Anyway, I thought a lot about my need to have routine and how taking a different path or lack of routine is so hard for me. If you know me very well at all you can appreciate how saying it’s hard for me is quite an understatement. I can get very unnerved and practically paralyzed by it. That got me th...

January 25, 2015

I think too much. It’s just who I am. I create scenarios in my head about conversations I think have happened in regards to me or about things. My mind tends to work on overdrive as the norm. So when I see those FaceBook posts that say they are cleaning their friends list or when I write a blog that’s very blunt, I wonder how people really feel about me. Do they care? Do I matter? What’s the point? Then in true Amanda fashion, I start wondering if I died, how many people would care and would there be any regret from some? Don’t get this wrong,...

January 18, 2015

I talk to God. I have no idea how he feels about my rants or questions but that doesn’t stop me. I’ve often thought people who are seen as “crazy” because of their murmurs or outbursts maybe are really having their own dialogue with God. Regardless, I can’t judge because I literally talk out loud, especially when running, to God. My conversations vary and so do the resolutions but it typically helps.


I’m not what I’d consider a religious person but I believe there is a supreme being. I have a hard time believing he judges based on who you love...

January 12, 2015


I did my long run today with no intention of blogging since I did it yesterday but something came to mind I wanted to put out there. How often do you see things on FaceBook that makes you roll your eyes or cause you to say, don’t put your dirty laundry out there or so and so is just looking for attention? How often do we shake our heads and think what were they thinking? I wonder that myself sometimes but then I started thinking about suicide and how people ask for help in so many ways and while I’m a firm believer in people having to make a d...

January 10, 2015

I was reminded recently that the word family doesn’t necessarily have anything to do with blood ties. It started an internal dialog in me that’s continued over the last few days. I feel alone or I’ll say abandoned a lot since mom died. I will always stand by the fact you’re never too old to want your mommy. Losing her, really left me feeling alone. Losing that figure who gave me my sense of stability in myself was the hardest part of her being gone. The other part was being so far from the rest of my family. It makes me feel like an outsider. I...

January 5, 2015


Dearest friend,
In 2014 the nation saw an explosion of giving thanks to the now famous ALS ice bucket challenge. It was an amazing and inspiring thing to see. A very worthy cause got much needed support and funding because a few people took it to another level with a great idea. Gosh, I wish I would have thought of that! Since 2011, I have been doing a yearly fundraising campaign to support suicide prevention and awareness by running a marathon (this cause being near to my heart since losing my mom to suicide in 2006). Like ALS, mental illness...

January 3, 2015

Do you remember being a little kid and having something happen and all you could think about was telling your mom? Good or bad, talking to my mom always made me feel better. There are many days I wish I could call her. Something will happen or I have a question only she can answer and I just want to pick up the phone and hear her voice. While running today, I decided to do something I haven’t done since she died. I’d like to share it with you as well. Maybe my thoughts are things you’ve wondered yourself in regards to someone you’ve lost. Mayb...

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Well, it’s all over now. I’ve completed five years of fundraising honoring my mom and all those who’ve been added since the beginning. My final triump...

Dixie's Smile

May 13, 2015

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Suicide Prevention Coalition of Logan and Champaign Counties



Suicide Prevention Coalition of Logan and Champaign Counties

MHDAS Board of Logan and Champaign Counties

1521 North Detroit Street

West Liberty, OH 43357


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